Cold jokes.....Brrr

what is beethoven doing now??

Spoiler:

He's decomposing...

What does Sentosa stand for?

Spoiler:

So Expensive, Nothing TO See Aalso

Eh last de not cold jokes lah. It is a joke.

Q: One day (you yi tian), Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua went to eat at the restaurant. After they finish, Xiao Ming and Xiao Hua left the restaurant without paying and the manager didn't mind. Why?

A:

Spoiler:

Cos their friend "you3 yi4 tian1" pay alrd.....

Why is the soccer field become very hot after the soccer match?

Spoiler:

Cause all the fans went home already.

Which one is more painful?
a)Coconut fall from a tall tree and hit ur head
b)Durian fall from short tree and hit ur head

Spoiler:

Both wrong...is ur head painful

Why is little red riding hood flat-chested??

Spoiler:

Cos the big bad wolf ate her 奶奶

Wads in front of a woman, behind a cow?

Spoiler:

The letter 'W'

There was a man who was born with just one ball...
So the villagers nicknamed him "one-stone".
However as he grew up, he hated being mocked at...
and so he swore to himself that the next person who calls him 'one-stone', he would stab the person to death...

One day, a woman named "yellowbird" saw him and recognised him as 'one-stone'...
he called out to him: "hello one-stone!!"
and in the end "one-stone" stabbed her to death...

the next day, a guy named "blackbird" saw him and recognised him..
he called out: "Hello one-stone!!!"

however, one-stone cannot kill him...why is this so?

Spoiler:

Becos it is not easy to kill 2 birds wif one stone...

Singapore Political abbriviations:

PAP

Spoiler:

Pay and pay

WP

Spoiler:

Why pay?

SDP

Spoiler:

So don't pay!!

UPF

Spoiler:

U pay first

Malaysian Political abbreviations:

UMNO

Spoiler:

U must not object

MCF

Spoiler:

Money Comes first

MIC

Spoiler:

Must I come?

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second place person. What position are you in?

Spoiler:

If you answered that you are first, then you are wrong! If you overtake the second place person, and you take their place, you are second!

If you are in a race, and you overtake the last person, then you are?

Spoiler:

If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?! You're not having a good time at this! Are you?

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. now add 10.
What is the total?

Spoiler:

Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

Spoiler:

He just has to open his mouth and ask. He's blind, not mute - so simple.

Why should one never assume?

Spoiler:

It makes an ass out of u and me

Riddle:
I'm on top, ur'e below.
I can feel it when u shake.
If i pull up my rod, u will feel the pain.
What is it that im doing?

Spoiler:

Fishing

A bus driver stopped his bus at a bus stop. A girl wearing a very short miniskirt entered the bus. The girl asked:" Mr bus driver sir, how much do i nid to pay?"
The bus driver replied:" For you, a special rate. 80 cents will be enough."

At the next stop, a girl wearing a bikini boarded the bus. The girl asked:" Mr bus driver sir, im going to the beach, how much do i pay?"
The driver quickly replied:" For you, my darling, 40 cents is all tat is needed."

At the next stop, another girl boarded the bus. The girl asked:" Mr bus driver sir, how much do i nid to pay?"
The driver replied:" For you, a very special rate...free!!"

Why is this so?

Spoiler:

The girl had a bus-pass(concession)
If u guessed the girl was naked...omg...u nid to wash ur brain...hahaha

During the NDP, all the ministers have a binoculars to view the Black Knights display (The F-15 one...whr the planes release smoke and fly ard...)
however, minister mentor Lee Kuan Yew does not use the binoculars set given to him...
why is this so?

Spoiler:

He is a man of great vision!!

Why do moths fly with their legs apart?

Spoiler:

If u look at moth-balls, u will noe y...

Spoiler:

The moth-balls are so big!!!

Worst ting to write to a girl:

You are so...
Adorable
Beautiful
Cute
Daring
Elegant
Fair
Gorgeous
Handsome

Spoiler:

I'm
Just
Kidding

LOL. good one, marcus. i laughed!

lolx...of course lahz...is me write de lehz...
a man of great vision...lolx...

Where does superman go to do his shopping??

Spoiler:

The Supermarket of course!!

-.- this one super lame si uh! lol.

if not cal cold joke for wat...

Why can we tell that superman like to show off?

Spoiler:

First, he shows off his RED underwear by wearing it outside...
next, he shows off his muscles by wearing an 'S'-size tshirt...
and shows off that he can fit into one by making the 'S' label big in front...lolx!!

got this from a very lame show...

In china, 2 disciples of a great kungfu master were discussing the eldest disciple of their shifu


Disciple 1: I heard that eldest disciple learnt the techniques of the cherry blossoms stance from the manuals of our shifu!! Is it true??

Disciple 2: No lahz...impossible...u muz hav heard wrongly...

Disciple 1: How u noe is i heard wrongly and not u wrong??

Disciple 2: Cos even our shifu cannot master the last book of the manuals...

Disciple 1: Eh??...Why is this so??

Spoiler:

Disciple 2: Cos the last manual is written in english!!

dead wooooo